


5. Those Pesky Kids Are Getting Cheeky!

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Friendship, Holiday, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-17
Updated: 2008-07-17
Packaged: 2019-02-02 08:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12723237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Jack POV/Humour.  Genius, challenges, sticky situations, and a cheeky archaeologist!  Jack's adventure continues with the kids in the UK!





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Here's part 1 of 4. If you haven't already, you might want to read 'Those Pesky Kids', 'Those Pesky Kids Again!', 'Those Pesky Kids Give Me No Respect!' and 'Those Pesky Kids Can Go Fish!' first. This story will make far more sense if you do! ;-) Enjoy! x

****

I’m a genius.

It’s official. 

You see the kids over there? Dr ‘I need to know everything in the entire universe and do in fact know most of it already’ Jackson, and Major ‘quantum babble wormhole babble no one will ever be able to keep up with my mind’ Carter. Not to mention Master ‘the galaxy has been my playground since before you were born, oh and I can crush you with my bare hands’ Teal’c. Well today, my astounding geniusness and intellect even surpasses theirs! Hey, quit sniggering. It’s true!

We’re in a supermarket and guess what I found? That’s right, my friends. This is going to be a good day! 

“SG-1, front and centre!”

There is a _small_ possibility that I resemble the proverbial cat that not only got the cream, but also managed to get its paws on the whole damn creamery, all the machinery, and even the cows. I’m trying to look calm and collected, but I’m sure bouncing on the balls of my feet isn’t helping. 

“Everything okay, Jack?”

“New orders, kids. This will have to suffice as your mission briefing. Daniel, get three BIG bags of popcorn. Carter, you get the beer and soda. _Not_ diet, Major. Teal’c, you’re in charge of potato chips and dip. I’ll get the chocolate and marshmallows. Move out, people!”

Carter looks a bit bemused, but like a good little soldier, she stands tall and replies, “Yes, Sir,” before disappearing down the drinks aisle.

Teal’c’s vanished too. Just the fact that I’ve uttered the words popcorn, chips, dip, chocolate and marshmallows in the same sentence is enough for Teal’c to follow my orders without question. Evidently, an explanation is not necessary. 

“Jack, what are you doing?”

Daniel, on the other hand, is now following on my heels as I walk down towards the checkouts. He’s like one of those little yappy lap dogs, bouncing up and down and biting at my ankles in an attempt to extract information. You know how he gets.

“Exactly what I set out to do, Dannyboy. We are continuing your education.”

“My education?”

“Your very important education, Daniel.”

“Right. Uh, Jack, what’s that you’ve got in your hand?”

“Oh, this? It’s just a DVD.”

“I see that, and I take it from the orders for popcorn, soda and dips, that we’ll be watching said DVD?”

“Oh yeah!”

Do I look smug? I think I look smug. 

“I’m also correctly assuming this mystery DVD and the ‘very important education’ you so casually mentioned a moment ago are directly and inexplicably linked together?”

How does he always manage to use so many words to say the simplest things?

“Yes.” 

“What is it?”

Crap, I wasn’t going to tell him until later. Damn Daniel and his infuriating and irresistible determination. 

“Huh?”

“What’s the DVD, Jack?”

Okay, obviously he’s not going to let this go. The crossed arms, narrowed eyes and ‘tell me right now!’ pout are unmistakable. Any sane person, with even a hint of self-preservation, knows to ignore that look at his own peril.

So, it’s time for me to reveal my plan. As Mom used to say, it’s all in the presentation. To pull off a truly spectacular surprise, and thus elicit a positive reaction from your overly suspicious and annoyingly persistent friend, one must adopt the mental teachings and acrobatically balanced mindset of Mama O’Neill.

“Jack?”

I must take a moment to prepare - close my eyes and concentrate. Deep breaths - in…. and out.

“Jaack?”

Every ounce of my enthusiasm and exquisite personality must be dripping over my forthcoming words and actions. Only this will enable me to break through Daniel’s defences. You can do it, Jack, my lad. 

“Jack, what _are_ you doing? You’ve got a face like a slapped turtle.”

Okay, perhaps I’m doing it wrong. Come on, Mom! Help me out here! 

Mental discipline. I can do this. Okay, step, turn, leap, twirl and dismount!

“Ta daaaa!!”

The DVD is plastered so close to Daniel’s nose, he has to lean back so he can focus on the title.

“Little shop of Horrors. You’re asking me to watch Little Shop of Horrors, Jack?!”

“No.”

“No?”

I offer him a little moral support and drape a friendly arm across his shoulders. 

“No. I’m _forcing_ you to watch Little Shop of Horrors. There’s a difference.”

“I see.”

He’s smirking. There’s definitely a hint of a smile there. He’s trying to hold it in, but it’s just not working.

“So, what was the little dance for?” He grins, while twirling his finger in the air.

“What little dance?”

“You went like this.”

Uh oh! Step, turn…. God, no! Please tell me I didn’t actually do it. It’s supposed to be mental! 

“It was very impressive, Jack.” 

Daniel is so loving this! The little shit’s grinning like a five year old who’s just got away with duct-taping the family hamster to the ceiling.

“Nicely presented too I might add, Jack - just the right amount of finesse. And that twirl was…”

“Go! Get outta here, Daniel. Popcorn, now!”

“Yes, Sir, Mr Travolta, Sir!”

That’s it! I need to speak to Teal’c about that Jaffa revenge thing. I think I might be needing it.

Now, what was I doing? Ah yes, chocolate and marshmallows!

****   
On to Part 2!


	2. Part 2

  
Author's notes: Here's part 2 of 4! Enjoy!!  


* * *

**** 

We made it!

Please excuse me while I complete a highly animated little happy dance around the RV, wave my arms in the air shouting “YES!” and then return to slap Daniel upside the head.

“Jack! What was that for?”

“All day, Daniel. It’s taken us ALL day to get to this campsite. You said it would take three hours.”

“We were lost, Jack.”

You know, he’s right. We were lost. Totally and horribly lost. Do you want to know why we spent every hour of the day getting here - taking turns behind the wheel, pee breaks, snack stops, and endless navigating? 

Well, I’ll tell you. It all begins and ends with Daniel. 

We only have a few days left of our vacation, so we thought we’d better start making our way back in the general direction of London today. The first challenge of the day was that it was apparently Daniel’s turn to choose our next campsite. I certainly don’t remember it ever being my turn, and I know for a fact that Carter and T haven’t chosen any of the campsites on this trip, but frankly, I wasn’t in the mood for the SG-1 equivalent of Shrek’s Puss in Boots when he’s trying to look cute. So, I caved. 

However, after watching Daniel for over an hour at breakfast painstakingly read every campsite description in the book to ensure he chose a site worthy of his patronage, I threatened to send out a memo to all base personnel about the time he was washing his hair in the SGC showers, opened his eyes only to find himself very up close and personal with a gigantic, wriggling, hairy spider dangling from the ceiling right at head height, screamed like a girl, subsequently slipped in his attempt to run away, and needed stitches in his elbow. Oh, and for good measure, I vowed to dye his BDUs baby pink and put up a giant ‘Space Monkey’ banner, complete with pictures, over his office door. Needless to say, after receiving hugs and support from big sister Sam, along with “Don’t listen to the nasty Colonel, Daniel,” he then tapped into his infinite brainpower and incredible logic and problem solving abilities to complete his task. Basically he squeezed his eyes shut, picked a random page number and voila! 

Now, even I can admit that all of that wasn’t too much of a problem. We were heading back in the right direction, it was only a few hours of driving, and the kids were happy. 

However, did I not say that I would never let Daniel map read again? Because that was the start of challenge number two.

“Jack, take the next left… no, not that left, the next one.”

“Daniel, there is no left. There’s only a right.”

“Oh, take that and then… um… keep going for a bit and take the next right.”

“Uh… there is no right. There’s only a left or a straight ahead.”

“Oh, hang on then.”

“Straight ahead?”

“No, I think you need you to go left.”

“Okay.”

“Now, turn left again.”

“Daniel, there is no left. There’s only a right.”

“Oh, for crying… Wait a minute then… oh, crap.”

“What?”

“Um, nothing.”

“What do you mean, oh crap, Daniel?”

“It’s nothing, Jack.”

“Daniel!”

“I’m not telling you, you’ll get mad.”

“I can’t get much madder. Tell me.”

“Well, I kinda, sorta had the map {mumble, mumble}.”

“What, I didn’t quite catch that?”

“I had the map upside down, okay?!”

“Right, that’s it, I’m pulling over! CARTER! TEAL’C! Get your asses up here and take over for Dr ‘I’m about to get sliced into tiny pieces by my CO’ Jackson! Daniel, you’re with me!”

“Jack, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get us lost. I just… sorry, I’ll wait for you to come off the phone.”

“Sergeant, this is Colonel O’Neill. Operation Tome Shuffle is a ‘go’. I repeat; Operation Tome Shuffle is a ‘go’. Yes, I know Sergeant, but I’ll take full responsibility. Yeah… see you in four days.”

“Jack, I don’t understand what happened with the map and…”

“Aht! Stop. I’m sorry too, Daniel, but it’s out of my hands.”

“What’s out of your hands? Who did you just call, Jack?”

“Sergeant Siler.”

“Tome Shuffle.”

“What?”

“You said ‘Tome Shuffle’.”

“And?”

“Oh, Jack, you wouldn’t!”

“Yes, I would. Siler is currently rearranging _all_ your books.”

“No, he can’t be. Siler wouldn’t do that to me.”

“I’m a Colonel, Daniel. Read ‘em and weep. No pun intended.”

“No, not my books! How could you do this to me, Jack? My books are everything to me, and they’re vital to my job. I need my books exactly where they are.”

“Daniel.”

“It’ll take hours, days, to get them all back in the right place.”

“Daniel. Stop pacing and lis…”

“I have to be able to find them at a moment’s notice. My journals are there too. Oh, God!”

“DANIEL!”

“What?”

“I was kidding, Buddy. I didn’t call Siler.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. I was going to, and believe me, you damn well deserve it with getting us so hopelessly lost… but I didn’t.”

“Oh, thank you Jack! Thank you!”

“Okay, Danny Boy, you can stop with the limpet impersonation. I can’t breathe!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“I tell ya though, Grasshopper, any more harebrained slip-ups from you and I swear I’ll make sure you only ever get Macaroni and Cheese MREs and standard issue coffee on missions.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Yep!”

“No, please, anything but that!”

****

On to part 3!


	3. Part 3

  
Author's notes: Here's part 3 of 4! Enjoy!! x  


* * *

****

“Are you now prepared to partake in your customary morning caffeinated beverage, O’Neill?”

“Yeah, thanks, Teal’c.”

Needless to say, without Daniel navigating, we did manage to make it to the campsite eventually, and according to the write up, a Spanish couple runs the place. It all seems nice enough, not that we could see very much when we arrived last night. It was damn near midnight and pitch black. 

Still, after the day we’d had, I insisted on treating the kids to a late night of real 80’s musical horror. Daniel’s education continues! Teal’c has already seen Little Shop of Horrors about five times, so he just took his fair share of snacks, lit his candles and Kelnoreemed the night away. Daniel, Carter and I all commandeered my bed at the back of the RV, right next to the TV, and lay there munching on toffee popcorn, chips, and beer. 

The only thing is, my bed really isn’t big enough for three fully-grown adults. Carter was kind of squished against the edge of the bed, half twisted on her side so she was taking up a teeny bit less space. I was on the other side of the bed with one arm stuck up under my head and half my ass hanging off the edge. Daniel was squeezed in the middle with my foot wrapped around his for anchorage and Carter’s hand in his lap because she had nowhere else to put it. 

Daniel, who is incapable of keeping still even if his life depends on it, tried to move around at one point, but only succeeded in kicking Carter in the shin. Not to mention his bony little knee made emphatic contact with my stick and giggle berries and nearly had me singing soprano again.

It was probably better, and a whole lot safer for any possible future baby O’Neills, if we just stayed still.

Which brings me to this morning. We all fell asleep like that and now I can barely move. Every muscle is protesting at spending the night in one very uncomfortable position. Although, I did actually wake up on the floor, so I’m guessing I fell out of bed at some point and just decided I was better off staying where I was.

Carter seems just as unrested and sore, and I can hear her muttering something about selfish, annoying psuedo-siblings that snore, move around a lot, mumble in their sleep, have a tendency to unknowingly get up close and personal with the nearest warm object, and steal all the blankets. Hey, I share a tent with him on overnight missions, Major. Welcome to my world! Anyway, at least Carter and I are up and awake, stretching out abused muscles and knocking back the coffee. At present, you can’t actually see anything of Daniel other than this huge mound of blankets. He’s under there somewhere, I’m sure of it. I think I can hear him breathing.

“So, what do we have planned for today, Sir?”

“I don’t know, Carter. How about we finish breakfast, try to coax Daniel back to consciousness, explore the campsite a bit, set up the barbeque for lunch, and maybe play a game of Frisbee or something.”

“Sounds good, Sir.”

“Mm crotchless, ‘Ack.”

“Say what?”

Please God and all that is Holy, tell me I misheard that muffled cry from the direction of the bed. 

“I said, I am conscious, Jack.”

Phew!

“Well then, rise and shine, Danny Boy. I’ll put on some more coffee.”

“’Kay.”

“O’Neill, I took the liberty of exploring this recreational vehicle site at approximately 0700 this morning. There is something I believe you may wish to be aware of that…”

“Not now, T, we’ll check it out later.”

“As you wish, O’Neill.”

Alrighty then, it’s actually been several minutes now, and no Daniel. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of movement and grunting, and I can kind of see the outline of arms and legs flailing around, but that’s about it.

“You okay, Daniel?”

“I can’t…. I can’t get out!”

Oh, that’s a classic. Carter’s laughing heartily, and I can see the corners of Teal’c’s mouth rising just a little. And believe me, if Teal’c’s smirking it has to be funny. Teal’c doesn’t tend to find anything amusing, unless it involves dripping noses or evidently archaeologists trapped in their own bed covers.

“Jack!” 

And for some reason, I find myself not making any move to help our poor struggling linguist either. I think this may even be added to my list of things with which to blackmail Daniel. 

“Jack! Quit laughing and help me!”

Should I? The nice side of my personality is telling me to help, but the nasty side is enjoying watching him struggle just a little too much.

Oh, damn it. He’s managed to get himself free. 

“Coffee. Now, Jack.”

“Right here, Buddy.”

He’s a little rough around the edges and his hair looks like it’s been styled by an Unas, but he seems relatively undamaged by the experience.

Ah, and there’s that look of pure joy he gets as he slowly inhales and then takes that first tentative sip of the dark nectar. He’s so easily pleased.

“So, how’d you sleep, Daniel?”

“Great, actually.”

Bastard!

“I slept like a baby.”

“What, you woke up hungry two or three times, cried a lot, felt the need to be cuddled, and messed your pants? Must have been a great night.”

Ow!

****

On to part 4!


	4. Part 4

  
Author's notes: Here's part 4 of 4!

I hope you've enjoyed yourself and had a good laugh! Feedback would be greatly appreciated! x  


* * *

****

“Hey! Watch where you throw that thing, kids!”

I am currently trying to get the BBQ started, which is not an easy task when every now and then a Frisbee comes flying out of nowhere. At least Carter and Daniel are having fun, but still, getting caught by friendly fire here! 

Teal’c’s in the RV buttering rolls, marinating meat, and preparing salad. Having watched endless cooking shows on TV over the past four years, Teal’c’s become an expert at food preparation. Surprisingly though, he still can’t boil an MRE without totally destroying it. They’re evidently not worthy of his time or his culinary skills.

This campsite is really nice too - lots of trees, loads of flowers, plenty of space, and there’s not a cloud in the sky. It’s a little quiet though. It’s lunchtime now and we haven’t seen anyone else all morning. Oh, hang on, I think I spoke too soon; we seem to have company heading in this direction. Looks to be three or four people and a dog, I think.

“Heads up, people.”

What the…? You know, I think I need to clean my glasses. For a minute there, I could have sworn it looked like they had nothing on. Must be a trick of the light.

“Holy Hannah!”

Or maybe not.

On hearing Carter’s exclamation, Teal’c has stepped out of the RV, but has stayed by the door just quietly watching these people make their way over. Daniel, Carter and I have unconsciously gravitated towards each other and backed away slowly, as one entity, to join Teal’c. Protection in numbers, you see. Although, strangely, unlike the rest of us who most likely resemble the three wise monkeys at this point, Teal’c doesn’t seem at all surprised by our visitors. 

I was right too; our guests consist of two middle aged couples and a dog. At least the dog is wearing a collar and lead, which is more than I can say for the people.

“Hellooo!”

Oh, God, they’re getting closer. One of the women is enthusiastically waving her hand at us. And that’s not all she’s waving, if you get my drift!

“Hello!”

Oh, Hell, they’re here, right in front of us. Carter’s actually taken another step back and is half hidden, or should I say protected, behind Teal’c. And Daniel, the little shit, has done exactly the same thing with me. 

“Hi, welcome to Nada User!”

Crap! Don’t look down, don’t look down. Maintain eye contact!

“Uh….”

“We just thought we’d come over and say ‘hi’!”

“Um…” 

“Pleased to meet you.”

Oh no! This guy is offering his hand. Heaven only knows where that hand’s been! Oh, God, I _really_ shouldn’t have looked down! Just shake his hand quickly and maintain eye contact!

“We’re James and Martha Johnson, with our little dog, Harry.”

Johnson? You’ve got to be kidding!

“And this is Harold and Alice Crane.”

Silence. 

Shocked ‘maybe if I blink several times this will all go away’ silence.

They’re all looking at us expectantly. However, with the possible exception of Teal’c, I can imagine we all look scarily like we do right after one of Fraiser’s very _thorough_ rectal exams. 

“I say, are you all right?”

Come on Jack. You’ve seen stranger things than this off world. You’re the commanding officer. Say something!

“Um… you’re…. uh…. um…”

Oh, for Heaven’s sake O’Neill, stop pointing!

“Naked?”

“Yes, that.”

This James guy actually looks faintly amused.

“Of course. This is a nudist campsite.” 

“A nude… nudist campsite?!”

“Yes, Nada User. Didn’t you know?”

Daniel is going to die!

“Excuse us for just a minute, will ya?”

“Of course.”

“Oh, Daniel.” 

“What?”

“What, pray tell, does Nada User mean?”

“Well, it’s Spanish, and… well… I suppose the closest translation would be ‘nothing to wear’.”

“And you didn’t feel this was worth mentioning when you picked the damn site?!”

“Well, you forced me to pick something quickly, so no, I didn’t really think about it.”

“Damn it, Daniel! What the hell are we supposed to do now, huh?”

Carter has that expression she gets when she’s _really_ concerned that I’m going to order her to do something she doesn’t want to. Huge eyes, open mouth, and I can almost hear her mind screaming ‘please Sir, don’t make me!’

Teal’c is just looking smug.

“You knew about this, didn’t you T?”

“Indeed. I attempted to inform you of the situation this morning; however….”

“I cut you off. I can’t help but notice you’ve made no attempt to tell me again.”

“Indeed I have not, O’Neill. After careful consideration, I deemed that the moment of your realisation would most likely bring me great amusement. I am not disappointed.”

Oh, that’s just peachy. You know, we’re supposed to be on vacation, not standing here worrying about getting our wedding tackle out for a crowd of people.

“Daniel, I am going to kill you. Hammond will understand.”

“What’s the problem, Jack? They can’t force you to get naked too, you know.”

“They can’t?”

“This is not an alien planet with threatening weapons and strict customs, Jack. Of course they can’t.”

Oh, thank God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all the Saints! I really, _really_ did not want to get my baguette and soft rolls out for everyone!

“Is everything all right?”

Oh, I think Daniel can deal with this. He deserves it. I’ll just give a firm nudge in the direction of our new naked friends.

“Yes, sorry. Nada User, yes, I remember reading the name in the book. Uh, I’m Daniel. This is Jack, Sam, and… Murray.”

Oh Jesus, the woman is waving again! Eyes up, eyes up!

****

How does Daniel do it? He has four very naked people in front of him and he’s not even blushing anymore. He’s kneeling down to pet the dog and whatever is now hanging around at eye level is not phasing him one bit. They’re just amiably chatting about some get together over at the Johnson’s caravan.

“You’re all welcome to join us, if you like.”

Oh, I don’t think so, lady.

“You know, I think I just might, thank you.”

WHAT?! 

“Excellent! We’ll see you in half an hour then, Daniel.”

They’re leaving. Phew! Daniel was just being polite, so maybe we should pack up and move campsites before they realise something’s amiss.

“Sir?”

“Carter.”

She has that look of wide-eyed astonishment again. So, I follow her gaze to see…

“Uh, Daniel, what the hell are you doing?”

“Well… you know. When in Rome and all that, Jack.”

OH.

MY.

GOD.

Oh, no, no, no! He is _not_ taking his clothes off. That is just…. no. There is absolutely no way this is really happening.

“See, Jack, it’s fine.”

Holy hairy walnuts! He’s actually done it. 

“Daniel, please stop.”

“What? I used to go around naked back in Egypt all the time you know, Jack. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“But that was back when you were still a little nerdlet, Daniel, not a fully-grown man with your own set of furry monkey nuts!”

“What is it with you and monkeys, Jack?”

“That’s not the point! Are you feeling all right? Have you cracked or something, Daniel?”

Oh, sweet Lord, he’s bending over to take off his socks.

“On second thoughts, never mind, I can see just how cracked you are for myself.”

You know, for some inexplicable reason, my BBQ wieners have suddenly lost all their appeal.

****

“Um, so, are none of you going to come with me?”

Here we are. Three fully clothed members of SG-1 currently smirking, giggling, and teasing one very naked archaeologist.

“Uh, no thanks, Daniel. I’d really rather stay here with the Colonel and Teal’c. Thanks anyway.”

“I am not, Daniel Jackson. I would however appreciate a detailed account of your experiences as I am keen to learn more of this Tauri activity.”

“Jack?”

“No way in hell, Dannyboy. No one gets to see my donut holder except me. And Fraiser. And you guys when we’re in the locker room. And how ever many marines are in the showers at the same time as me.”

“See! See, see!!”

No! Please, not the Danny dance! Not in his birthday suit! 

Carter’s gone. I can’t quite work out if she’s doubled over in pain, laughter, or whether she’s being sick. It could quite possibly be a mixture of all three. 

“You get naked in front of people all the time, Jack. How is this any different?”

“I _have_ to get naked at the SGC, Daniel. We all do. It’s just a part of our line of work. But you certainly won’t find me milling around Hootersville over there, making small talk about the weather, and trying to keep my eyes off everyone else’s material goods while I’m doing it! I’m on vacation, and that means I have a choice.”

“Fine!”

“You know, the crossed arms and pout aren’t nearly as effective with _that_ waving around, Daniel. But, I hope you have fun and I expect an in-depth report to really get our _juices_ flowing.”

“Oh, very funny Jack.”

“See if you can _flesh_ it out with a few pictures too.”

“You’re pathetic.”

“Ain’t that the naked truth.”

“Oh, shut up, Jack!”

****

Daniel never ceases to amaze me. He’s only been naked for twenty minutes and he already has quite a following. I can see several women folk slowly sauntering in our general direction. They evidently _really_ want him at their party. Fortunately for Daniel, these beauties seem to be a little more his age group. All I can say is that he’s lucky it’s a warm day. His only concern now will be preventing Mr Happy from having a mind of his own. 

“Are you really sure you don’t want to join me?”

Ah, having second thoughts, Danny? Should have thought about that before drawing out Excalibur there.

“You’ll be fine, Daniel. I’m sure your new friends will covet… I mean cover your six.”

“Yeah, have fun, Daniel.”

“If you need assistance, Daniel Jackson, you need only raise the alarm, and I will be there within seconds.” 

“Thanks, Teal’c.”

“Make sure you’re home by midnight, Daniel.”

And off he goes! He has a slim blonde hanging off his left arm and a red headed curvy young thing glued to his right arm. There’s another very attractive woman with enormous assets skipping along in front of him, and another two who keep placing friendly little touches on Daniel whenever they get the chance. 

Lucky bastard. 

“Damn! Carter, we didn’t take a picture.”

“I have indeed been filming for some time, O’Neill.”

“Eeeexcellent!” 

I see years of payback at my disposal.

“Oh, Jaaack!”

“Yes, Daniel.”

“You’re welcome to have my wiener, if you like. I’ll turn the other cheek!” 

Touché.

****

Well, it’s past midnight and there’s still no sign of Daniel. I did cave at around 1900 and sent Teal’c to gather some intel. He crept around, as much as Teal’c can creep, to get a covert look at the festivities. Apparently, Daniel was surrounded by most of the women at the campsite, and even some of the men, but he seemed relaxed and happy enough. You know though, there should be rules on a campsite like this. Such as ‘Thou shalt not covet our archaeologist’s ass’. Perhaps I should have stuck a note to his back.

We’ve all tried to go to bed, but none of us can sleep knowing that Daniel is still out there. So we’re all wide-awake and playing cards. 

Did I not tell him to be home by midnight?

Ah, I think I hear the door.

“Daniel.”

Carter’s out of her chair first to give our errant archaeologist a quick once over. Gotta make sure he’s in one piece.

“Have fun, Danny Boy?”

“Yeah, it was great!”

He’s dopily grinning from ear to ear, so I don’t doubt his sincerity.

“There were loads of people and they had a huge hog roast and some people played guitars and violins and one guy turned his whole RV into a bar and…

“Daniel, slow down, Buddy. And here, put on your sweats.”

“Nah, I don’t want to. It was great, Jack! You know, everyone being naked like that is actually really liberating.”

“Well, good. Just don’t go liberating yourself at inopportune moments like a mission briefing or anything.”

“Oooh! That would be funny! I wonder what Hammond would say?”

Mmm, not quite the response I was hoping for.

“Daniel? Have you perchance been drinking?”

“I had one, but then I stuck to soda.”

“Right. Did you ever get your own drink or were they always brought to you by one of your many admirers?”

“Ummm…. can’t remember.”

“I see. Well, I think it’s time for all naked linguists to go to bed. We have an early start in the morning. Gotta get back to London by tomorrow night.”

“Oh, okay, Jack! You know, I’m gonna sleep naked!”

Oh for crying out loud! You know, I really hope he’s willing to put clothes on by tomorrow morning or we’re going to be in big trouble.

It also looks like I’ve been evicted.

“Uh, Daniel, that’s my bed, Buddy.”

“Not anymore. It’s way more comfortable than mine. Nighty night, Jack.”

Cheeky little ass! And today, in more ways than one.

Mmm, I wonder if I can bunk in with Carter!

****

The End... for now!


End file.
